If you don't know who Maddox is, GO HERE OR YOU FAIL maddox.xmission.com/
I just saw a youtube video www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLoqti… , where yet another random asshole shouts at the world and tells us we all suck. This person was upset about the outcome of the 2012 election and spent TWENTY MINUTES screaming at the entire internet; or at least that's what I assume they did because, several minutes into the video, text appears on the screen posted by the creator stating that they were drinking and smoking when they made the video. Anyone who drinks and smokes at the same time is a moron, and since this person isn't funny like Ron White I had no reason to keep listening. Where have I heard a rant like this? oh yeah... www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzxIg5…
There was a positive benefit to this rant: it made me think. I thought about it so much that I was inspired to type my unparalleled genius on a computer screen and post it for all the internet to bask in its glory. I thought about politics and celebrities, and how intoxicating they are. I thought about free speech, and how stupid it can be. Even though I have no training, education, or experience in understanding people I realized that I am the perfect person to judge all people on the internet because I say so and my opinion is the only one that matters; and if you post a video on the internet telling the entire world it sucks because of something someone said about a celeb or because of something as trivial as an election you are a giant fucking crybaby who hates themself and should probably be shot, or thrown off a horse and crippled, because that would make your life interesting for once. I'm not scared of people disagreeing with me because I live in a society that grants me the freedom to decide that I don't care about other people's opinions. I'm not scared of someone insulting a celeb, and I'm not scared of one election going a different way than my way because it just doesn't matter. As long as people like me exist, the world will never become a bad place because we won't let it. Jesus was not afraid to die for what is right, and neither am I. Its not about Democrats, it's not about Republicans, it's about NOT BEING A COWARD. Martin Luther King Jr. proved that you don't need a gun, or a knife, or ANY weapon to create change. All you need is the strenght of your faith and courage to resist hatred. If you have no faith in others or a god YOU ARE A FAILURE, and If you disagree with that you are entitled to your opinion. You also may be a mouthbreathing, masturbating, giant fucking crybaby who hates themself.
If you are unsure if you hate yourself here are a few ways to tell:
1. You hate your job, but refuse to quit.
2. You don't have a job but refuse to get a new one, go back to school, or volunteer for charity.
3. You have a family and/or friend(s) who love and care about you, but you don't care and/or still feel vulnerable.
4. You listen to Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, or any other conservative or liberal pundit/politician/blogger/mouthbreather that hates themself.
5. You own a gun, knife, cyanide pill, or any other instrument of death "just because you can".
6. You go to church to "feel spiritual" instead of seeking spirituality in privacy and/or everyday life.
If you fall under one or more of those criteria, you probably hate yourself. Fortunately there are some simple solutions for solving this problem:
Solution 1. KILL YOURSELF: Let's face it, your life isn't worth living. Fortunately, you probably own a gun or one of your family members does. It's easy, just point the gun at your head and pull the trigger, BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE: people have been shot and stabbed in the head and lived anyway. You don't want to be one of those idiots who failed at dying when your time had come. To avoid becoming a circus freak make sure to aim at the pituitary gland between and behind your eyes, or the major blood vessel at the base of your skull and under your chin. If you don't have easy access to a gun here is a webpage with an entire list of awesome ways to kill yourself: www.thebestpageintheuniverse.n…
Solution 2. Get Help: If you're too much of a coward to kill yourself, there is still hope for you yet! Follow these instructions:
A. Locate your local psychiatrist.
B. Call and schedule an appointment
C. Tell the psychiatrist that you are a giant loser crybaby.
D. The psychiatrist will prescribe you medicine that will make your life feel less pointless, even if it still is.
The only downside to this solution is that it is MUCH more expensive and time consuming than simply killing yourself. Always consider solution 1 as a fallback.
Solution 3. DO NOTHING: No doubt many of you will choose this option instead, just consider the following: If you're too much of a coward to kill yourself and you refuse to get help, you essentially fail at being a failure. If this were the stone age you would have been eaten already by a sabertooth tiger or crushed by a mammoth. Unfortunately both these animals are extinct which means your life has no meaning to anything! To compensate, I recommend visiting each zoo across the country and petting all the animals. Don't let safety fences or cage bars stop you! Those animals need petting! Be sure to look directly into their eyes and give them a big toothy smile while approaching them.
Solution 4. GET OFF YOUR ASS: Some people would suggest rather audaciously that the best way to solve problems is to stand up, solve them yourself and turn your life around. These people are LIARS. This solution doesn't actually exist! Bigfoot is real! Nya! Nya! Cthulhu fl'tagn!
Feel free to disagree with me in the comments section so that I can ignore your opinion more efficiently.
Millions of people disagree with me. No one else gives a shit about these peoples' opinions.